I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
