i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
