God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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