She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
