I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
