Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
