Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
