ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
