Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's always time for handjobs
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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