She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So many bounce houses so little time
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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