And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
