my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
