god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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