i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
