Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
