My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
