youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
