I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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