So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize