Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize