we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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