some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
