It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
