No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
