erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
