sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
