I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
3 2 1 whiskey
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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