i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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