i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You made out with two different species that night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
