u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
