I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
