Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
