he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
