I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
