I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
