I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
