i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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