I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
