Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
