and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
