we have pet lesbian snakes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
