i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
