I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Randomize
