I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
