Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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