My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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