I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
