It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
