did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
