He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
