I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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