i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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