I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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