giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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