are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
