Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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