I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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