I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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