covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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