we have officially mastered the walk of shame
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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