and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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