The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
