Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
His nipple licking is glorious
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