Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
