I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sobbing to NWA
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
