you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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