Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize