If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
