I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
