apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
