Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
