We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
