You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
