I think I am morally bankrupt
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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