i would punch a child for taco bell
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
