He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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