super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
