we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize