Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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