i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
