Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
