the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
