drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
