and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
