I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
