I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
