Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
